Contradictory Spam

I get a fair amount of spam despite having a few safeguards in place. I never, ever read it beyond the subject line and make a point to not purchase the products and services offered (I’m looking at you Dish Network). I might make a “wall of shame” at some point, but that’s not what this post is about.

Normally the spam has a consistent message, trying to fulfill some need in my life, generally one of which I had no prior awareness. Consistency is the key here. The message subjects consistently point out a specific area of my life that would vastly improve by getting the product described by the messages I never read.

Lately, however, I’ve been getting conflicting messages. Here are two subject lines:

Kinks and tangles no more with the awesome Pocket Hose.

This is a Really Cool Compact Hose

OK, so small hoses are a good thing.

Your small Hose is limiting your lovemaking

Hose help on the way

Oh wait. My small hose needs help.


So which is it? Do I need ointments and pills to help? Or should I get and extra one to carry around that expands to 25′ almost instantly, retracting when I’m done? It’s all so technical and confusing. There are entire legions of people out on the internet far more worried about my hose than I am!

Personally, I’m happy with all of my lawn equipment and will ignore it all. Makes life much easier. Not to mention, I might miss out on amazing deals on 2012 model cars (in the middle of 2013) and I need to check into my diving / skyrocketing credit score.

Thanks email. You’re never boring.


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